Wrinkles and acne. The television and internet are chockablock with advertisements for lotions and potions that serve both at the same time. I hate to admit it, but I am one of those women with the occasional breakout now and again and at this point, it seems rather silly. What cruel designer of the universe deemed that I should still experience acne while peeking over the bedsheets at nearly 50 years old? Honestly, it seems rather unfair that wrinkles should have to fight for space on my face at this late stage of life. Pimples were embarrassing enough for the first half of my existence, shouldn’t I get a free pass for other middle-aged discomforts like incontinence and halitosis (not that I have those, I’m just sayin’, when and if they do show up I think I totally deserve a pass).
What does one call this strange hybrid anyway? Wrackne? Wrimples? That’s a little too Scooby Doo-ish for me, but for now they'll have to do. Those big pharmaceutical companies should pay some advertising genius to come up with a snappy phrase that people will respect. And fear. Like DermaGeezerBumpititis or some other multi-syllable nugget of dread. This is a condition that should demand compassion and pity from the younger generation! [I’ll admit, partly just because I’m jealous of their current teenage instant communication gratification, since our youth was spent shoving hand-written missives into lockers and then waiting hours or days for a reply. How terribly Pony Express of us, right?]
I know the cosmetic industry wants our hard-earned dollars, but they really don’t have to work too hard to get the younger crowd. They all desire to have hair and skin that smells good, feels good and looks good. But my generation should make a stand and demand higher quality products. It’s been my experience that looking in the mirror as you age can be a daunting experience for men and women: what with thinning hair or worse, unpleasant sprouting hair in the weirdest places, creases and folds, patchy pigment loss or gain. Howzabout Johnson & Johnson develops a cream or goo that sings when you open the jar? Or maybe a spray that gives a little firework display before landing on the skin? Ooh! Even better – a hair mousse that has a slightly hypnotic effect on those within a three foot range so there is always this soft filtered effect when people look at us?!
Growing older is not a big concern to me, but the scales are going to have to be tipped a bit more evenly to make me less grumpy about the process. There are a lot of things from my youth that have no business in my autumnal years and the errant bump on my cheek or nose is one of them. So, if you cross my path at some point and decide to label me a grumpy old woman – know that it all started here, with wrimples and wrackne.