A friend recently shared these lyrics with me, "You are more than the choices that you've made. You are more than the sum of your past mistakes. . ." (words from a Tenth Ave North song).
Well, thank heavens for that. While numbers are not my strong suit (despite Mr. Kosinski’s noble attempts in Algebra class) even I can figure out the 15% tip on that equation.
The problem with assessing the total of my life, as I look it over now, is that I didn’t know those were mistakes I was making at the time and it also didn’t help that on occasion things happened without my even realizing there were choices to be made.
Life can be like that.
Overall, I haven’t made tons of bad choices nor have I made that many mistakes.
But the ones I did make? Well, they were doozies. Big, fat honkin’ errors that stare me down still today. It wouldn’t do any good to blame it on youthful ignorance, because some of my biggest mistakes and questionable choices were made even after my brain’s frontal lobe reached cognitive maturity. Dang it.
Youth doesn’t corner the market on the decision and mistake-making process, either. It just doesn’t end. Because, here I stand at the crossroads of my life, looking left and right, knowing I cannot go back and with no idea of what lies ahead and I am paralyzed with, while maybe not fear, certainly healthy apprehension about the whole choice and mistake thing.
Sure, sure — sometimes the choices and mistakes we make help us to become better people. You know, the old “that which does not kill us” school-of-thought. I’m not sure that I much care for the idea of having to drive past death’s door in order to fortify ourselves, but I understand how learning from our errors helps us to stand a little taller.
Despite knowing that mistakes and poor choices are part of the maturity process, I find I’ve spent an awful lot of time trying to prevent my own kids from making mistakes. I am THAT mom who stands in the doorway, wringing her hands over the possibility that the little darlings are going to do anything wrong. Which, I know, is very wrong of me. They are going to have to stumble, fall and get back on the horse in order to move forward (and possibly upward) in life. Even with a sharp and clear understanding of this concept, I know how my own mistakes and choices in life altered my course for better and, in many cases, worse. Therefore, I am going to try and provide them with the best possible tools to make educated choices and keep their mistakes to a minimum or, at least, a manageable (lawful and moral) lot.
Over the course of my life I had well-meaning folks who gave helpful suggestions along the way to assist in my decision-making skills. Some of those ideas I will share with my children, some I will not (be gone, Eeny-Meeny-Miney-Moe). One of the better ideas presented to me was the concept of making lists of pros & cons, providing a way to objectively overview things before making any decision. Kind of a To Be or Not To Be game plan of choosing between right and wrong. Stay-at-Home vs. Working Mom. Southern California vs. Northern California. Some of those lists are still tucked away in my journals and calendars. Scraps of paper, filled with columns listing things like blue eyes vs. green eyes, cerebral vs. physical, Pisces vs. Libra. I’d like to tell you that last list was made by the teenage me. But, I’d be fibbing. And that’s not the best choice. Then again, maybe brutal honesty is the bigger mistake here. See? I still don’t know.
It seems to me, that this making choices thing is one more remarkable feature that really separates us humans from the animals. Well, in addition to opposable thumbs, elaborate language, ethics and complex math skills (okay, excluding me on that last one – I’m not proud, just honest). Not that it makes us better, just…fascinating and wildly more interesting. Mark Twain said, “Such is the human race, often it seems a pity that Noah didn’t miss the boat.” As for me, I’m happy he made the right choice.
Those of you with ideas on the subject of How to Improve Decision Making and Mistake Prevention, know that I am sitting in front my computer welcoming your comments and emails with bated breath… possibly laced with jalepeno chips or black cherry iced tea, I’ll make a decision later between good and evil – knowing in my heart that the chips could be a mistake.