[Re-posted from an SCV Gazette Afternoon T. article]
 
Q: How do I fight the green-eyed monster of envy? An ex has replaced me and I am practically stalking the new love on every social media platform. I can’t even say it’s about the two of them being together. I’m obsessed with everything my ‘replacement’ does. I don’t know how to stop this crazy-train.
 
A: First let’s clarify a couple of things. 1) There’s no such thing as ‘practically stalking’ if you are obsessively lurking on a person’s every social media platform. You are in and in too deep and 2) Lawdy Miss Clawdy, don’t kid yourself. It most certainly is about the two them being together. But, it’s just as much about the two of you NOT being together.
 
Envy is one of the ickiest of character flaws and can take its most ugly, monstrous form when love is involved. It’s not unnatural to feel the need to find out why your ex likes (even in the way of a Facebook thumbs up) this person better than you. That’s human nature. When a heart gets broken a person can go a bit mad fixating on a relationship gone bad but, it will only become the official Train of Crazy with destructive behavior.
 
FULL DISCLOSURE: Now and again, I have been there, my friend. Standing at the train station of crazy ticket counter. I have done research that rivals the deep-dive of an undercover operative after being dumped by someone I loved and thought, loved me, too. [In fact, I’m still rather surprised that the CIA didn’t recruit me.]
 
In general, envy eats up a lot of time and emotion and we’d all be much healthier if we didn’t let it get its claws in us, but man it takes work to fight it off. You can’t just turn away and hope for the best. Monsters have to be fought. Counseling can help, but I would like to give you a thumbnail sketch of a map, to help you roll up your sleeves to do the work to get back on track.
 
• Volunteer and shift your focus to benefit others. Senior Centers, Food Pantries or Pet Shelters. Help where you can. You’ll be giving but you’ll be amazed by what you get.
• Seek out the words of grateful people (in person, in books or on-line). It will fill the dings and dents of your heart.
• Stop thinking of life and love as a competition. You don’t need to weigh everything about you against someone else. You’re pretty amazing already. What are your strengths right now? Make a list. Then start to look at ways to use that in the world around you. Are you artistic? I bet there’s a local theatre that would love to have you help paint sets and work on wardrobe. Do you love reading? There are people who would love to have you read aloud to them.
 
Get back on that computer keyboard, but this time — do some research for/on YOU.
 
xo – t.
 
“Our envy always last longer than the happiness of those we envy.” – Heraclitus
 
“With a few flowers in my garden, half a dozen pictures and some books, I live without envy.” – Lope de Vega
 
“Never trust anyone who wants what you got. Friend or no, envy is an overwhelming emotion.” – Eubie Blake